


In the Wings

by PokeChan



Series: One More for the Road [2]
Category: Tsubasa: Reservoir Chronicle
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Gen, Implied/Referenced Sex, M/M, PTSD!Fai, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Recovery, Wingfic, Wings
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-03
Updated: 2019-03-21
Packaged: 2019-10-03 12:37:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,311
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17284202
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PokeChan/pseuds/PokeChan
Summary: Fresh off of Syaoran's near fatal illness the family lands in a new world where everyone is forced to bare their soul --literally. Everyone has a set of wings and they reflect the health of one's heart and soul, but that can mean a lot of different things to different people.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> WING FIC WING FIC WING FIC!!!!!
> 
> It's about time I got this done. I love wing fic so much and this idea has just been sitting inside of me for years and years and now I get to share it!! I'm super excited to be posting this, both because of the wings and because it's the next part of the Road Series that I dream of one day completing.

Syaoran’s illness had faded steadily as Sakura cared for him. Within a few days of him waking he was able to stand on his own and slowly meander about the small house. He tired easily and slept nearly half the day away, but there was no fever or chill and he seemed perfectly lucid when he managed to be conscious. It was a relief to see him improving. They’d come too close to losing him and Kurogane was still having trouble keeping himself from hovering around Syaoran, as if his presence could do anything to ward off sickness.

He hadn’t expected the flood of feelings and memories -- pale skin gone flush with fever and clammy and than for too pale beyond that -- that bombarded him, and it was a chore to keep them in check.

Fai wasn’t taking Syaoran’s near fatal sickness well either. In fact, he seemed to be taking it the worst out of all of them. He would go between shadowing Sakura and doing all he could to help her take care of Syaoran, and hardly setting foot in the house except to sleep. Knowing what Kurogane now knew, it was fairly easy to try and guess what was going through Fai’s mind, but with the close quarters and Kurogane’s reluctance to wander too far from the children, he didn’t have a chance to confront Fai about his nonsense belief in bad luck and feeling of failure where there was none.

The only real option left to Kurogane was to try and keep Fai close and make sure he didn’t fall back into bad habits by doing something stupid. 

Though, when Mokona’s earring began to glow only one day after Syaoran had managed to stay awake for a day without napping, Kurogane figured any good fortune they had was fresh out. 

“Mokona is really sorry!” she fretted as they all scrambled to collect the handful of things they’d been using in this world. 

“It’s okay, Mokona,” Syaoran said, petting her ears before continuing to shove clothing into a small chest for Mokona to swallow. “We know you can’t control when we have to move.”

“But Syaoran is still getting better!” Mokona cried. “Syaoran needs to rest!”

Kurogane set the last of their things down in the small pile they’d made. Everything was as tucked away and tied down as it was going to get. “He’ll rest in the next world,” Kurogane said. “We’ll make sure of it.”

That seemed to be enough for Mokona. She nodded her little head and hopped off of Syaoran’s shoulder to swallow up their things. The glow of her earring brightened and Kurogane watched Sakura grab hold of Syaoran, both to steady him and to keep them together. The sight warmed something in his chest and he didn’t bother to stop the small, fond smile that came to his face. 

The circle was summoned, the familiar pattern of Yuuko’s magic circle spread out beneath them, and the world dissolved in a swirling rush of color and noise as they all began to fall through space and time, the sensation no less jarring for how often Kurogane had now experienced it. 

The landing wasn’t ideal. He’d had better, but then again, he’d had worse. He’d popped into existence some ten feet in the air, but landed easily enough, steadily on his feet, though he did notice that he was standing in the middle of a large group of spiky thorn bushes. His boots and the rough material of his traveling pants kept the thorns from doing more than snagging uselessly for a few seconds before Kurogane tugged himself free. 

The world around him was flat. The horizon stretched on forever it seemed and the delicate blue of the sky above spoke of dawn. In the distance he could see more groups of bushes and a handful of scraggly trees, but what was most important, was that he could see a town not too far off. There was a gentle chill to the air, but Kurogane didn’t think it would last until noon between the cloudless sky and the bright sun peeking over the horizon.

He realized, as soon as he’d spotted the town, that the only noises he heard were the wind and his own footsteps. They’d somehow managed to get separated from each other again, and damn it all, Kurogane wouldn’t be able to tell if they were close by or not until he found some people to talk to. 

He turned around, hoping that they might not be far off and he’d be able to at least find one of his family members, and while he didn’t see any of them out in the plains he did find something else. 

At first it was just a bit of movement in the corner of his eye, but once he tried to look properly he felt his jaw drop.

Two huge wings were protruding out of his back. They were black and feathered, though once he managed a closer look at them, Kurogane could see that patches of red, irritated skin were showing through. The feathers themselves were glossy in the places where they weren’t ruffled and bent all to hell. Some were even singed. He looked like a bird that had gotten into a bad fight with a cat and then a campfire. They didn’t hurt at all, which was stranger than anything really and made him curious. 

Wings and things aside, he needed to find the others first. Syaoran was still recovering and, though Sakura was a capable healer and no fool, it would be better if Kurogane were around to keep any eye on them. Not to mention his concern about Fai, who had been damn near worrying himself sick. As he made his way towards the town Kurogane prayed they were all close by. 

The town was a bustling place. Cobblestone roads wound between buildings, carts and stalls lined the streets and people milled about their daily lives. Every single person Kurogane saw had wings of their own, each pair as different as the person they sprouted from. Most were some shade of grey or brown, stripes and speckles broke up the solid color of the feathers on many. A handful of people had more colorful wings, bright blues and pinks mixed up with pure white or softer pastels. 

None of them seemed even half as ragged as Kurogane’s wings did. 

He set it aside again and began to scan the crowd for a sight of familiar faces. He guessed that the others would have wings of their own, which would only serve to make Kurogane’s search harder, at least if he could look for people without wings he’d have a narrower search. 

_It might also help if I knew what their wings looked like,_ he thought to himself as he scanned the crowd for any sighting of familiar brown or gold hair, or even a shock of excitable whiteness. 

Disgruntled, he wished the kids were a bit taller. There were too many people with too many colors for Kurogane to pick anything specific out of the crowd. Unless they came running up to him he doubted he’d be able to stop them. 

“Kurogane-san! Kurogane-san over here!”

Relief washed over him at the sound of Sakura’s voice and he wasn’t sure if it was because he was so tall or she was as lucky as her other self had been but he wasn’t going to over examine this stroke of luck. He turned towards the voice, and sure enough, Sakura and Syaoran were both making their way quickly towards him, smiling and waving. And, just as he’d suspected, they each had their own pair of wings as well. 

Syaoran’s were a sandy brown color, speckled with black and white like a starry sky. His feathers were in disarray and Kurogane could see a few small bald patches where feathers had clearly fallen out or broken off. A few of his secondaries were bent at awkward angles as well, sticking out sideways and looking ready to fall off. They looked as if they’d been clipped as well.

Sakura’s wings were not only a beautiful, unmarked, snowy white, but they were huge, arching things. Pretty feathers trailed her as she moved, fluttering behind her like ribbons. They were nowhere near as damaged as Kurogane’s or Syaoran’s, looking more like what one might imagine the inside of a too fluffed pillow to look like and appeared as if a good brushing would have the wings looking as orderly as anything. They looked otherworldly and Kurogane thought they suited her very well. 

They drew even with him, smiling broadly even as Syaoran looked a little paler than Kurogane would have liked. Before Kurogane could ask them if they’d seen Fai at all Mokona wiggled her way out of Sakura’s cloak and leapt to Kurogane before burrowing under his hood. 

“Kurogane’s wings look even more beat up than Syaoran’s!” she cried, looking at them sadly. “Do they hurt?”

“They’re fine, manjuu. They don’t hurt at all.” He wondered what was wrong with his and Syaoran’s wings, and why they’d not only suddenly appeared but had appeared in such a state. But that could wait for a moment. “Have any of you seen the mage?”

Syaoran and Sakura shook their heads. “Fai is missing!” Mokona said from within the folds of Kurogane’s cloak where she’s already burrowed. 

Kurogane was sorely torn between setting off right away to look for their missing companion and finding a place for them to settle and gather their bearings. Syaoran needed rest and a set place to meet back up would be useful, but Kurogane needed to find Fai. He could feel anxiety nipping at him, growing more and more insistent with each minute that passed without knowing where Fai was. 

“Maybe we should head into the market and ask around if anyone has seen him,” Sakura suggested. At Kurogane’s dubious look at Syaoran she continued. He’d improved greatly, but Kurogane had not shaken away the old fears the sudden illness had stirred up in him. “We’ll take it slow and stop to rest if Syaoran gets worn out. We should at least start looking before settling.”

Beside Sakura, Syaoran gave a firm nod and that was all the argument Kurogane needed to hear. Those two were stubborn enough on their own, together they were a force of nature, and Kurogane wanted too much to find Fai as soon as possible to even think about really arguing with them. 

They were a few streets away from the market square proper by the look of things, but that didn’t stop them from asking any shopkeeps or vendors they happened upon if they’d seen a tall, lanky, blond man wandering around looking a little lost. Those that bothered to answer them said no, and quickly shooed them all along, tossing judgemental and untrusting glances after them. Most, however, wouldn’t even give them the time of day, going so far as to sometimes close shop doors right in their faces until they continued on their way. 

It wasn’t until an old man with heavy looking grey wings told them he’d seen no such person before he pulled Sakura aside and told her to not hang around “those unsavory types” as he glared around her towards where Syaoran and Kurogane waited, pretending not to hear, that Kurogane started to really piece it all together. Everyone’s wings had been more or less pristine. No one had had wings that looked any more rumpled than Sakura’s, in fact, most of the wings they’d seen had looked perfectly kept and clean, even those belonging to people who clearly worked laborious jobs.

When he brought it up to the others Syaoran was first to offer a theory. He suggested that it was culturally imperative to keep one’s wings clean and orderly for whatever reasons. The wings were obviously not signs of status or social ranking. They seemed as indicative of one’s class as hair color. It might do them all some good to try and straighten their wings out if they wanted anyone to so much as look at them without disdain. 

“Get away from us you wretched bastard!”

Any thoughts of tactical grooming were quickly forgotten in favor of the sudden uproar down the road. A crowd was quickly forming and by the sounds of things it was moments away from becoming a mob. All manner of nasty things were being shouted, but nothing accusatory as far as Kurogane could hear. No mention of theft or assault that would have made this person a target for so much anger. 

It wasn’t any of their business, and Kurogane was about to escort his two young companions away when he caught sight of blond hair and a white cloak. 

In seconds, Kurogane was pushing his way through the jeering crowd, Mokona’s confused questions coming from within his cloak going ignored, to find his suspicions confirmed. There, in the center of the growing crowd, was Fai. Kurogane didn’t even bother to assuage any of the townspeople or try to ask what it was that Fai had done to anger them so. He pushed them aside, took hold of Fai’s arm, and steered him away and back towards the children without a word.

The first thing he heard Fai say was “You have _wings_!?” and it was then, as they all steadily made their way back through the alleys of the town, away from glares and slamming doors, that Fai’s absolute lack of wings was noticed. 

“You… don’t.” Kurogane frowned and circled around Fai. He looked the same as he ever did, though a little paler and shaken by the town’s less than pleasant welcome. 

“What happened to you and Syaoran-kun?” Fai asked, brow knitting in worry. “Did you get attacked? Was there a fight?”

Syaoran shook his head. “They were like this when we arrived,” he said, following Sakura as she lead them all away from the crowded streets and into empty back roads. “You don’t have any of your own?”

Fai shook his head wordlessly. He kept eyeing Kurogane’s massive wings, obviously concerned with the state of them.

Once they were well out of sight from most other people Sakura brought up what they were all wondering. “I wonder why Fai-san is the only one of us who doesn’t have wings.”

“Mokona doesn’t have wings either,” Mokona said, perching herself atop Kurogane’s head.

“Yeah, but you’re not human,” Kurogane said. They’d seen animals on their search for Fai, dogs and cats and horses, none of which had wings. It seemed as if only humans sprouted wings, which did nothing to explain why Fai didn’t have them.

“Not having wings is clearly worse than having messy wings…” Syaoran mused. “I might have been wrong with my guess.”

“What do you mean by that?” Fai asked, tugging absently at the ribbon holding his hair back. Kurogane didn’t like how off balance Fai looked, something had gotten under his skin. This wasn’t the first time a world had welcomed them with anger and insults -- misdirected or otherwise. He had seen Fai laugh off worse than this. 

Sakura and Syaoran caught Fai up on their experiences. The majority of Kurogane’s time had been spent with them or outside of the town so he didn’t have much to add.

Unfortunately, the time the kids spent inside the town didn’t give them any clues. Syaoran and Sakura had set right to trying to find Kurogane and Fai and hadn’t stopped to speak to anyone beyond asking after their missing companions before finding Kurogane. 

“I landed outside of the town,” Fai said. “I was asking around to see if I could find any of you but no one would speak to me.” He frowned back towards the sounds of the town. Kurogane hadn’t seen him look so lost in a while. “I don’t know what I did...”

“I doubt it was anything you did,” Syaoran said, sitting down heavily on the steps of a stoop. 

Fai watched Sakura fret over him for a few seconds before asking, “What do you mean by that?”

“I mean that we’re all pretty clearly not from around here,” he elaborated. “We’re outsiders, and that always shows eventually, no matter how hard we try. And I’m not sure how, but these wings are status symbols of some sort.”

Not having any at all, it was little wonder why Fai was being treated like a leper. He must have seemed alien to the townsfolk, and even though the thought of people shunning Fai after only taking the time to look at him had his blood boiling, he supposed he couldn’t fault them entirely. That fact did very little to quell his anger. It had clearly gotten under Fai’s skin, and it wasn’t hard to guess why, knowing what they all knew, and a dark, protective part of Kurogane roared to go back into town and _give_ them something to fear. 

Each day with his family made it easier to ignore that part of himself. 

“We didn’t even do anything though,” Sakura said, a rare bit of temper raising her voice. “We were only asking directions.”

They weren’t strangers to prejudices by any means, that didn’t make it sting any less when they came across them. Unfortunately, with the way they lived their lives, there was little more to do than grit their teeth and bare it until they could get the full picture. Kurogane hated it. 

“With wings like that it’s surprising no one threw old, rotten food at you,” came a voice from above them.

They all craned their necks up to see a woman smiling down at them from the second story window of the building they’d stopped in front of. Her face had the faintest hints of wrinkles on it and grey streaked generously through sandy colored hair, but most importantly, she was the friendliest person they had come across all day.

“The name’s Lola,” she said. “And you’re sitting on the stoop of my hotel, sugar.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The mysteries of their new world are slow to unravel, but thankfully not all people are as cold as the rest of the townsfolk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I had intended for this to be only 2 chapters, but it's looking like possibly four now. I'll leave it undecided just so I don't shoot myself in the foot again. After this there will be one more KuroFai centric chapter and then a "bonus" chapter with a focus on SyaoSaku.

Fai wasn’t sure that he liked this world they had landed in very much. It didn’t look like there was a war or anything of the sort going on, in fact, it didn’t seem like there was much of anything going on at all to be honest, but he hated the way that everyone’s eyes followed him. He could feel the glares of the adults and the bewildered stares of children boring into his back as he walked along the street searching for his family. He hadn’t been able to find them before things escalated. 

However, just like bad luck found Fai, so, it seemed, did Kurogane. In mere moments he had appeared like a shadowed savior and dragged Fai away from the unfriendly townsfolk. He’d even managed to find the children. 

Now they were all seated in the small dining hall of what was probably the only hotel that wouldn’t turn them away at first sight. Fai had hardly been in their current world a few hours and already he was exhausted. Not that he was looking forward to sleep. No, he could already feel the chill of ice and snow creeping outwards from the scars on his hands, numbing and biting all at once. He ought to be able to hide it from the children, Sakura was still focused almost entirely on Syaoran, who was both wrapped up in her and the new mystery of the world they were in.

Kurogane was already giving him those looks though.

“Ugh, _conservatives_ ,” Lola, the owner of the hotel, said with disgust when Sakura explained that they’d all come from somewhere that didn’t really deem it proper to talk about their wings. “I can’t stand cities like that, not talking about things that everyone goes through. Everyone is born with wings,” she said, giving her own pair a ruffle. “I don’t understand the point of being all hush hush about them.”

Syaoran and Sakura had been egging her on through a rant for the better part of an hour now, doing their best to learn about the wings that they had all manifested. Well, all of them but Fai. They’d yet to piece together why he was the only one lacking the new appendages. 

“Not like places like this are much better,” she added. “Small towns are the worst, buying into all the old stereotypes and prejudices.”

“Prejudices?” Syaoran asked.

Lola looked surprised for a moment but smiled at him warmly. “You all seem like good folks, I’m sure your wings aren’t a reflection of you being foul, cruel people. That’s not what most people around here will think, though. Wings are a reflection of a soul’s condition,” she explained. “The more well kept your wings look the better your soul’s health is, so to speak. A good person, ideally, will have well kept wings, while a bad person will have damaged and broken wings.”

Fai could sense the shock ripple through them all. Sure, they had their flaws, and they had had to each make some difficult choices in their travels, but that didn’t make them bad people… right?

“Of course, that’s not all there is to it,” Lola continued. “Bad things happen to good people all the time, and I think a lot of folks forget about that.” Her face was dark as she spoke, something coming over her that she no doubt usually left buried and untouched. “Trauma can damage a soul too, and sometimes it takes a long time to heal, if it heals at all.”

Lola stood and turned her back to them. In one sweeping motion she opened her wings, smooth and well kept things it didn’t seem like she would have had anything to worry about being judged for until one took a closer look.

“Sometimes things leave scars on your soul that just never go away,” she said, glancing sadly at her clipped wings. She folded them back and looked at Fai. “I used to be as bad off as you, didn’t wanna talk about it or deal with it, made things all the worse.”

Unable to stop himself, Fai flinched away a little. He wasn’t used to people seeing him, truly seeing. No one cut into him with a look but Kurogane, and even now he still sometimes wanted to snap and make him turn those piercing eyes away. Fai carefully avoided looking at him now.

“I don’t know what you’ve been through,” Lola said, and her voice was so compassionate that Fai, for a moment, felt like she might understand his pain if they were to open up to each other. “I can’t tell you how best to live either, but tucking your wings away inside of yourself and hiding your pain isn’t how you’re going to heal.”

After that the conversation slowed and turned rather quickly to lodgings. Lola was willing to give them rooms, undeterred by any sort of effect it would have on her reputation in town. None of them were willing to chance that, though. It was clear that Lola had spent a long while proving herself to the people here, and if she was seen showing their group of criminal look alikes hospitality it could undo all of that. 

Seeing that none of them would budge on their stance Lola shook her head with a smile.

“Stubborn bunch,” she chuckled, more to herself than them. “There’s only one other place that will even speak to you here in town, the man that owns it owes me a few favors so you won’t be paying a single chip to stay there.” 

Kurogane folded his arms over his chest and Fai noted how his wings flexed, moving as if to spread out over their little family, before he pulled them in tight against his back. “What’s the catch?”

Lola sighed and looked over at Syaoran and Sakura. “There’s a reason he doesn’t turn away customers. The place used to be a brothel, but now it’s just some run down old tavern travelers flock to when the rest of the town turns them away. I wouldn’t call it safe by any means. Some of the brothel’s old patrons still… lurk around.”

It only took one look at the place so plainly named Traveler’s Den for Kurogane to huff and march them all back towards Lola’s far more welcoming establishment, his wings arching forward ever so slightly over the two little ones as they picked their way through winding back alleys. 

Fai found it fascinating how the wings added to body language, and how easy it was to pick up. He was then immediately grateful that he had no wings, no matter what other trouble it was causing him, because the last thing he needed was for his emotions to be on full display to the world at large. It was bad enough he couldn’t hide anything from his family even when he wanted to - though the days of constant masks were far behind him, they were not gone altogether - the idea of everyone knowing what he was feeling made his skin crawl. 

In the end, Syaoran and Sakura were given a small room near the back of the hotel. It was out of the way enough that Syaoran felt he could get in and out of the building without being noticed, should the need arise. The lobby of Lola’s hotel was quiet, but she did have a few guests, and if any townsperson should happen in and see them it would be all over and the hope of preserving Lola’s hard won reputation was one of the few things that seemed to comfort the children’s guilty nerves. 

Kurogane and Fai would stay at the tavern. 

Fai hadn’t thought much of the split, it made plenty of sense, until Kurogane left Mokona with the children, and ushered Fai out of the hotel and down the back road with purpose.

He could always see these talks coming, and yet they still felt like a sudden bolt of lightning on a sunny day when they happened. Worst of all, Fai couldn’t think of a single thing to say or do to slip his way out of this. As they neared the tavern his footsteps felt heavier and heavier, but with Kurogane at his side, all but steering him through the alleyways and roads, Fai’s pace didn’t slow.

He didn’t want to talk about this. By all rights, no one should even know about it but him and the dead. But Kurogane knew, the children knew. They knew and they cared about him and Kurogane was only going to try and help, the sweet-hearted fool. A large part of Fai, a familiar and bone deep part of him that sounded like the venomous whispers of faceless nobles who stood toweringly high, said there was no helping. He was the way he was and he ought to be grateful for whatever kindness someone thought worth tossing his way. A much smaller part, one that was new and sounded sometimes sweet and sometimes gruff, told him that he had already _been_ helped, and could therefore be helped again. 

It was all terribly confusing if he let himself think about it too much. 

The inside of Traveler’s Den wasn’t as chaotic as the ramshackle outer appearance lead Fai to expect. There was a bar against the back of the room, it’s shelves lined with dozens of bottles of what had to be liquor, and between the door and there the place was filled with mismatched, rundown tables and chairs. A little more than a handful of patrons were sat about the place, each of them with wings in various states of disrepair and not a one of them with company aside from a drink.

Fai felt eyes on him and Kurogane as soon as they stepped inside, and then he felt those eyes narrow in on him and his lack of wings. He noted the none too subtle flex of Kurogane’s wings, the feathers that were intacted all but bristling as he picked up on the stares as well. If the wing closer to Fai didn’t fold back as neatly to Kurogane’s back as it’s mirror, instead quietly hovering behind Fai like a shield, he didn’t comment on the behavior, even if he did wonder how much of it was a conscious action and how much was due to Kurogane’s very soul wanting to protect him. 

Neither of them faltered in their strides all the way to the bar, and by the time Kurogane was calling over the man on the other side of the counter everyone had turned their attention back to themselves and their alcohol of choice. 

The man that came over to them was a short fellow. He was round in the face but still handsome in a sort of understated way. Fai felt like they might have seen him in one of the worlds they had passed through, but he was unable to pin down exactly where. His wings were brightly colored like some sort of tropical bird and his feathers seemed too long for the wings they were attached to. They would probably be very fetching if they’d been in better shape, but both were bend at odd angles, like they were broken in several places, and bald patches dotted what Fai supposed was the tops of the wings. 

It made him uncomfortable that he couldn’t tell if this man had been wronged in his life or if he had wronged others in order to get his soul to such a state. 

“You two must be what all that ruckus earlier today was about,” he said as way of greeting.

Kurogane scowled but Fai was used to this sort of thing, and the comfort of old habits, even if they were bad ones, was easy to reach for. “My, my, news travels fast here,” he said with a blithe smile. Beside him, Kurogane twitched. 

The man grinned. “Never seen news travel faster than in small towns,” he said. “Lola called, I can only assume she was talking about you two.”

“She told us you would have a place for us to spend the night.” Fai leaned onto the counter of the bar, willing as much charm into his smile as he could. “Would you be the owner of this establishment that she told us about?”

The man snorted. “Yeah, name’s Ichido. I’ve got a room for you guys, but that’s all you’re getting without paying.” Without further delay Ichido reached into his back pocket and produced a scuffed key. “Top floor, end of the hall,” he instructed. “Nothing personal, it’s the room I always save for Lola’s vagabonds.”

It was interesting, but not surprising, that they weren’t the first outcasts Lola had helped find a roof to put over their heads for a night or two. Fai was a little surprised that Ichido had set an entire room aside for such occasions, though. 

Then again, looking around and stretching his senses as far as he could, Fai didn’t think the tavern saw many guests. The room most likely only saw use because of Lola. Most of Ichido’s profit probably came from the bar.

Kurogane took the key and Fai tossed a cheery thank you over his shoulder as he half-followed, was half-ushered towards a shadowy staircase that had seen better days. 

Everything creaked no matter how lightly they tried to step. Even Kurogane made noise with each step as old wood and nails groaned and screeched in protest to the weight of another set of human feet upon them. The hallways were thin and dark, more lamps out than not, and not a single piece of decoration could be seen hanging on the walls or standing by one of the cracked windows. Some of the doors were broken, their frames missing a side or doors splintered and hanging on by a single hinge. 

The whole atmosphere was dreary. If it weren’t for the faint sounds and energy of life coming from downstairs and a select few rooms one could believe the entire building to be abandoned. 

Their room wasn’t much better, but it was much better than Fai would have expected. There was no window, only bare walls of slightly cracked brickwork and wood. Two rickety looking chairs and a very small table stood near the door. A single bed sat against the wall while a wardrobe loomed in the furthest corner, covered in a visible layer of dust and some impressive cobwebs. It was clear that even if the room was slept in no one bothered to try and stay long enough to unpack. Fai planned to follow their lead. 

Behind him, the door clicked closed and the locks were slid into place. 

Right. 

“Mage-”

Fai cut him off before he could get anything else out. His back was to Kurogane and he wrapped his arms around himself without thinking. “Is it really that surprising?” He wished Kurogane could just leave it be, they know he’s been torn apart and burned and left out to die and all other manner of things, he didn’t want to talk about it, too. Wasn’t it enough to know? “All the suffering I’ve endured, it’s no wonder I appear soulless.”

“ _Fai_!” Kurogane had closed the distance between them with two long strides and forced Fai to turn around. “I thought you had moved passed this.”

The bark of laughter that tore its way free of Fai’s throat was startling to them both, and wholly without mirth. “Passed what? My entire life up until a few months ago?” Fai made to pull away but Kurogane’s grip was firm. “I’m living my life, I’m allowing the future to mean something to me. What else do you want?”

“For you to be happy!” Kurogane growled. The sadness and hurt were clear to see in his eyes and Fai found it impossible to meet them. “You’re ignoring everything that happened to you! You’re still running away!”

“And what if that’s what it takes for me to be happy?” Fai asked. He sounded tired. He _felt_ tired. “We both know we can’t change what’s already happened.”

Maybe sensing Fai’s emotional exhaustion or maybe giving into his own, Kurogane sighed. When he spoke next it was soft, his tone melancholy. “You can’t heal if you keep ignoring the pain. You’re going to have to face it or you’ll never grow.”

It was good advice, and true in a way that made Fai want to plug his ears and close his eyes and will the world away until the truth didn’t matter. It was also, however, very un-Kurogane advice, and Fai couldn’t help the odd look he gave him as way of response.

Now it was time for Kurogane to be unable to meet Fai’s eyes. He turned his face away and an almost guilty looking expression came across his features. “Tomoyo told me the same thing -- for nearly two years before I finally listened -- after my parents died. Once I was physically healed nothing mattered to me but training and hunting down the bastard responsible. I never once visited their grave in that time.”

It went without saying that Kurogane had found it too hard, too painful, to face the reality of his parents’ death, and so avoiding the grave avoided the reality in a way. Fai remembered how vigorously he’d thrown himself into his studies once Ashura had granted him access to the libraries and alchemy wings. He had nearly lost all of the weight he’d regained in pursuing more knowledge, desperate to be of use. Desperate for a reason to not sit by his brother’s poolside day in and day out.

Eventually, Ashura had all but threatened to ban Fai from further learning if he wasn’t careful to look after himself. After that Fai was meticulous about meal times whenever studying and though it was obviously a mere formality of accessing what he needed in order to grow stronger it was enough to appease Ashura. 

It was easy, running from pain, burying yourself into something else so much that it blocked out all other things. Fai was something of a master of that art, but that was before. Before he knew what it was like to be loved unconditionally for who he was, before he knew the value of himself, before he had others to cherish and protect. To lose himself in a single minded pursuit meant to lose those precious things as well. 

Fai closed the distance between himself and Kurogane, laying his head on Kurogane’s chest and listening to the steady beat of his heart for a few moments. “I don’t know where to begin,” he said softly. “There’s so much.”

Kurogane brought his hands up to rub soothingly at Fai’s back. “Begin with being honest.”

Of course Kurogane would ask for honesty above anything else. Fai supposed he should consider himself lucky. Honesty, afterall, was probably the easiest thing Kurogane could ask of him. 

Fai made to wrap his arms around Kurogane’s middle, wanting to hold him close for a bit before insisting on an early night, but he had forgotten about the wings lying against Kurogane’s back. The feel of them was startling. Nothing like a bird’s wings at all. A wave of pure energy and unfiltered emotion slammed into Fai’s senses during the brief second of contact. It was too much to process before it was all gone as Fai stumbled back a few feet, clutching his hand to his chest as if it had been burned. Likewise, Kurogane had jerked away from the unexpected touch as well, his eyes wide and his wings lifted high in surprise. 

The pair of them stared at each other in silence for a few moments, still processing the shock. 

Finally, Fai managed to find his voice. “Oops.”

Kurogane cleared his throat a few times before he was able to speak. “That- did you, uh, did you feel that too?”

They both looked pointedly at Fai’s hand, still held tightly against his chest. “I felt… something? Did it hurt?”

Kurogane shook his head.  
Whatever it had been it was brought on by contact, that much was obvious. Fai wanted to touch Kurogane’s wings again, examine the sensation further. His fingers were still tingling with the after effects of whatever had happened, like the residue of a powerful spell or the wafting vapors of a cooling mug of tea. He was reminded though, by the very sensation he wanted to chase, that those wings were Kurogane’s very soul, and he shouldn’t feel so free to such an intimate part of him.

Still, Fai couldn’t take his eyes off of those incredible new appendages. And Kurogane had noticed. 

“Do you want to, uhm,” his voice was hesitant, unsure of what he was offering -- or if he wanted to offer it at all a nasty little voice hissed in the back of Fai’s mind -- or how to phrase it. Fai watched Kurogane forcibly relax his wings. “Do you want to touch these again?”

The air in the room was too cold and too hot all at once. There was no way Kurogane didn’t know what he was offering. He had listened just as carefully as Fai, if not moreso, to Lola’s ranting and explanations. He knew that he was offering Fai his very soul and all he had to show for it was a flushed face as if he’d just paid Fai a particularly sweet compliment. 

What was Fai supposed to do with this man?

“Are you sure?” Fai asked, but already he was moving closer to Kurogane. 

The sensation from that first, brief touch was impossible to call back. There was too much to process too quickly and the only thing Fai knew for sure was that it had been intense and he wanted more. 

It made sense, if he thought about it, that anything involving Kurogane’s soul would be intense, wild and bold and enough to drown in after just a taste. Even without any proof Fai knew that this experience would change him, rewrite something inside of him for good. For the better as well, if he trusted Kurogane’s track record. And if there was anything in these many, many worlds that Fai had ever trusted, it was Kurogane. 

As if magnetically, Fai felt himself pulled closer to Kurogane. His hand lifted, cautious and shy and trembling just so, to touch those huge, dark wings that represented this man’s soul. They were scarred and wounded, more in need of healing than actually healed, but still so beautiful. The pain and wounds took nothing away from their beauty, or the power they seemed to radiate. Just like the man who bore them. The first brush of fingertips against inky black feathers was the same as before, startling and confusing, but when they lurched closer together at the touch rather than apart Fai began to find some clarity to wild rush of sensation.

Emotions were flooding his heart and mind, directionless and unprompted. They were a jumble, sweeping over Fai one after the other, some too quickly to be identified. He could feel patience, something Fai knew Kurogane had in spades, at least when it mattered. There were flashes of anger, fear, joy -- things so powerful that they threatened to overwhelm Fai even though they only existed in him for a second. There was a strange loneliness, one that made Fai recall Nihon, and it must have been a feeling of homesickness, something quite foreign to Fai, himself. 

And then there was only one emotion, warm and comforting and gentle even as it stood on the edge of threatening to rewrite the very laws of the universe. Love. 

All other emotions fell silent in its wake, humbled by its all encompassing brilliance, and Fai found himself helpless against the tide of it, able only to let it wash everything he was and ever had been away. It filled him so sweetly, a tender embrace to every microscopic part of him, physical and metaphysical. A pure, unquestionable, unwavering love, and he knew with more certainty than he knew anything, that it was love for him.

There was no telling how long Fai had stood pressed against Kurogane, his hands -- both now, without his knowledge -- buried in dark feathers, before he came back to himself. He took one shaky step back, thankful when Kurogane’s strong arms reached out to him. They steadied each other and allowed the world to slot back into place around them. As sound and sight finally came back to Fai properly he realized that his vision was blurred, not by the dizzying experience, but by tears. He swiped at them with one hand, and looked down at his now wet palm in confusion.

“Kuro-sama I…” he began, but he soon realized he had no idea what to even say. What could he say? There were no words to put to what Kurogane had shown him. Even love seemed a shallow substitute for the absolute storm of emotions that had surrounded Fai. 

Kurogane seemed to understand, though. Of course he did. He tucked a few stray strands of Fai’s hair behind his ear and the expression on his face was impossibly open and soft. “It’s okay,” he said, voice quiet. “Let’s turn in, we can talk about this more in the morning.”

Fai felt both too hollowed out and too filled to bursting to argue. He let Kurogane lead him through their nightly routines and take him in his arms under the thin blankets. As he was dropping off to sleep a great shadow fell over him, and Fai thought that he was going to miss those wings when they left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you enjoyed reading this, or any of my other fics [please consider supporting my writing on Ko-Fi!](https://ko-fi.com/lesbianardodavinci)

**Author's Note:**

> If you enjoyed reading this, or any of my other fics [please consider supporting my writing on Ko-Fi!](https://ko-fi.com/lesbianardodavinci)


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